Why not use my real name?

My real name? Are you mad? I am as pathetic and sycophantic as anyone else. I follow the "rules" terrified that I might ruffle someone's feathers by making a misplaced phone call and thus they will never speak to me again.

Of course I can't be fired since I gave up the day job, or dooced as it were, but print runs can be compromised, calls unreturned and what have you. This has an obvious effect on my earning potential, so it is probably best to remain private.

The word of traditional publishing is a small one and it would be all too easy to labelled as a troublemaker. That would be a pain, and slightly counterproductive. If I used my real name you would know who my publishers are and more importantly they would know that I have slightly unflattering thoughts about their efforts and abilities. In person they would not have a clue that I think they are anything other than brilliant.

I am sweetness and light when talking with my publishers, nodding in agreement when they explain the difficulties and intricacies of the business. "Of course" I concur, when secretly I'm thinking "Utter bollocks. It's a book, not the cure for cancer." I do this so they like me, the sales force like me, and hopefully by extension the booksellers will like me. I am cooperative, and this requires a certain amount of brown nosing.

Secondly, if I used my real name my agent's identity would be known. And from time to time I am sure to pass comment on my agent's abilities. Since it has got to the stage where you almost need an agent to get an agent I have no desire to fall out with the one I have, no matter what I think privately of their abilities.

Pathetic, I know.